My Household Budget

Being January 8, I thought I would start on my annual household budget (Being the timely kind of guy that I am). This year, for a change I thought I would use the federal government budget as a guideline and see how I fare.

The most important part of my budget is food (as my grandmother-in-law tells my wife "He's an eater") Since I like fresh food I think I will start with purchasing 100 acres of good farmland so I can have plenty of space to grow all the different kinds of food my family likes during the year. Because I am a meat eater and I think my boy and I could eat a 1/2 a beef at a sitting, I believe a cattle ranch should be purchased. With equipment needed to operate these ventures the approximate cost (if I keep it cheap) about $2,000,000. I think I could apply to the Department of Agriculture for a grant for this purchase.

Next housing: With interest rates at an all time low, maybe I can buy myself a little larger house that I live in now. If I use a government plan to decide on the size of my house; I guess I need to have a house that is about 10,000 square feet (Enough room for anyone who might want to move in with me for the next 30 years). With cost overruns I think I can keep it under $1.5 million. Maybe I better budget $2,000,000 because I forgot about the environmental impact statement I will have to file. I think that Fannie and Freddie are flush with cash I'm sure I could get some money from them.

Automotive: Always tricky for me cause I don't like fancy cars but I would like one more fuel efficient not knowing about the cost of fuel, and I figure I better buy an American car, so I settled on the new electric Volt, because I know I'm not in to big of a hurry and know
there are electrical receptacles within 35 miles of everywhere I drive so I should be fine. With the "bridge loans" supplied to American automakers I'm sure they will give me a good deal. Approximate cost $160,000 minus a tax credit of $3,000 = $157,000 (the inflated cost is to help payback the "bridge loan").

Clothing: I'm usually happy with the clothes I have had for a few years that I bought at Wally World or K-Mart, but I think I'll step it up and get some fancy clothes at Mervyn's or Corral West (What.... they closed up shop? Humm I guess I'll have to think about that for a while.) I guess I have to have a bidding process and see what the low bids are for a new wardrobe. My guess: $100,000 (The going rate the Republican party pays for clothes).

Savings: There will be no saving only spending in my household this year.

Now I have to figure out the income part of the budget. I figure that if I beg and beg and beg all my friends and family they will give me the money. If they can't come up with the cash for my new budget that's OK. I'll just steal the money from everybody in the country, just like the government.